Jan

26

Sex Tourism: Everyone’s a Stud in Rio

Filed Under Rio de Janeiro, prostitutes, sex tourism, sex travel 

[Here's the text of an article I wrote for now-defunct Rockstar Magazine]

How would you like to be fucking girls as hot as the ones in this magazine? I’m not offering you a course in self-esteem or a bunch of “surefire” pick-up lines? My solution is more basic: Dive prick-first into the flesh markets of Rio de Janeiro.rio sex tourism article

If you’re a working stiff like me, top-tier American pussy-for-hire is beyond your bank account. Not to mention illegal, except for parts of Nevada.

But in Brazil, where the world’s oldest profession is so legit it’s listed in the official “Classification of Occupations,” primo pussy’s available at bargain-basement prices, making it one of the world’s leading sex tourism destinations. Obviously this all depends on your attitude toward banging hookers. Hey, if it’s good enough for Charlie Sheen, it’s good enough for me. Sheen paid top dollar for his Hollywood hos. In Rio an average Joe can spend an entire night with Sheen-worthy poontang for less than $100.

Whatever your type, Rio’s got it: From bubble-butted J-Lo Latinas to blonde Giselle Bundchen wannabes to mocha-skinned Tyra Banks clones, the ethnic smorgasbord will make you drool. These chicks will rock you harder than Jenna Jameson. Many will also give you a GFE—Girlfriend Experience. Of course it’s mainly in your head, but they’ll treat you so much like a king, you’ll forget you’re paying.

If there’s enough chemistry, you might not even have to pay. I’ve been to Rio six times. My last trip I met an adorable garota de programa (program girl, Brazilian slang for prostitute), Joana. She essentially became my girlfriend and stopped charging me after a few nights. Joana was so intent on pleasing me, she agreed to go on her first muff-diving expedition. Unfortunately, a night of scouring strip clubs and dyke bars didn’t turn up anyone who really got our juices flowing. Her love for the chase, however, was a fierce turn-on, and we went back to my room and fucked loud and long.

The world’s got plenty of destinations for horny travelers looking to purchase tail. I’m no expert on global mongering. (On websites like WorldSexGuide.com, sexplorers refer to themselves as “mongers,” short for whoremongers.) Besides Rio, I’ve only sampled the fare in some cities in the Dominican Republic. Even Brazil has other whore havens that I’ve yet to visit. But from what I’ve read and heard from other mongers, Rio seems to offer the best mix of price, variety, quality and quantity.

Tropical Flesh Fest

Summer in Brazil lasts from December to March. Rio’s main flesh fests, New Year’s and Carnival, fall within that stretch. As waves of sex tourists and other visitors pour in to party their asses off, prostitutes from all over Brazil flock to the city. If you don’t mind the crowds, these two holidays (and a few days before and after each) are peak season for procuring pussy. Carnival, which runs the four days before the start of Lent, changes dates each year; in 2006 it’s February 25-28. Besides the hookers, there’s plenty of parades and parties to keep you occupied. It’s also an opportunity to seek out “regular” girls—both tourists and locals—at their most shit-faced, swept up in the general frenzy.

Varig, Brazil’s main airline, offers relatively inexpensive flights to Rio. [After this article was published, Varig ceased all US flights as it sunk into bankruptcy, a sad day for sex tourism. It was then acquired by another Brazilian airline, Gol, who's announced plans to resume Varig's US routes. As of Jan 2008, we're still waiting.]

You might want to take advantage of the long flight (10-20 hours, depending on your state) to bone up on your Portuguese. Here’s some stuff for your flashcards that you won’t find in any language book: Você gosta pau na sua bunda?—You like it in the ass? Posso gozar na sua boca?—May I cum in your mouth?

Seasoned mongers usually rent apartments in Copacabana. Hotels cost more, and many of them aren’t “garota-friendly”: They let you bring up one girl (forget about a threesome), but for a surcharge. They also insist that she leave by a certain hour. (In one hotel I stayed at, my “date” and I had just fallen asleep after a long night. We were jolted back into consciousness by a 5am call from the front desk informing me that visiting hours were over.) With an apartment, you can bring in as many girls for as long as you like. You can rent a decent (though hardly luxurious) pad for $50 or $60 a day during the off-season. Rental fees skyrocket during the holidays, and you have to book those way in advance.

There’s another option that few mongers seem to be aware of. Rio has numerous inexpensive “love motels” that rent rooms in six- or eight-hour blocks. Some of these places are quite nice; even the standard rooms have saunas, Jacuzzis and mini-bars. By calling around prior to my Carnival 2004 trip, I was able to negotiate a week-long stay at Motel Sinless (www.sinless.com.br) for $420. (The dollar’s dropped quite a bit since then, so expect to pay more.)

Sex Tourism Sweet Spots

The city’s sex trade revolves around three main hubs—a surreal nightclub that serves as Rio’s hooker central; a bunch of upscale brothels; and a handful of sidewalk cafés.

Help Discoteca (Helpee, the locals pronounce it) is opposite the beach in Copacabana. It’s a second home for American and European mongers who don’t want to waste time chasing “civilian” chicks and plowing them with drinks with no guaranteed outcome. I’ve spent many nights at Help, and my guess is that more than 90% of the girls there are pros.

You wouldn’t know by looking at them. My first time I expected to see lots of girls dressed like skanky streetwalkers in the States. Some of them do. But many look like college girls out for a night of partying. They’re sexy—tight shorts, belly shirts—but not necessarily trashy. But when the girls at Help start gyrating to samba and other Latin rhythms, it’s impossible not to fall under the legendary spell of Brazilian booty.

Try not to think with your dick just yet, though, or your cash will disappear as fast as Granny’s quarters in a slot machine. One of the nice things about the garotas at Help (at least some) is that they’ll flirt, maybe even play tonsil-hockey with you, before they cut to the chase and ask in their broken English if “you want company tonight.” Naturally you’ll want to know the price (Quanto custa?—How much?). Prepare for a ridiculous response: “$300 for two hours.” Unless you can’t bear to wait another moment to pounce on whichever fine piece of ass you’re talking to, here’s what you do: Laugh (but politely) and offer $60. If you’re really into this babe, and your heart’s pit-a-patting from the thought of waking up with her in the morning and shagging the shit out of her all over again, then two hours won’t cut it. In that case, tell her, “Mas quero você toda a noite”—But I want an all-nighter. She’ll probably try to up the ante, maybe to $150 for four hours. Now you’ve got two choices: Keep negotiating, or thank her for her time and shuffle off to graze in some other pasture. Don’t be surprised if she runs after you with a much better offer. Plenty of garotas will give you an all-nighter for $100 or $80 or less.

Help Discoteca rules the night, but mongers’ daytime sexcapades focus on Rio’s termas—hybrids of strip clubs, health spas and whorehouses.

Among the best is Quatro Por Quatro (or Four By Four, as it’s affectionately called by gringos) in Centro, Rio’s business district. The place has a protocol that’s common to termas. You check in at reception, where they explain the various prices (one girl versus two, 40 minutes versus an hour, etc.). You make those decisions later, when you’ve had a chance to inspect the merchandise. Depending on the strength of the dollar, a few drinks at the bar and an hour in a private room runs about $70. You can’t haggle like at Help; but on the upside, any terma girl from the hottest on down is yours for the taking at the same price.

After this brief orientation at reception, they give you a wristband key and point you to the locker room, where an attendant sizes you up and hands you mandatory terma gear: Sandals and a white robe emblazoned with the establishment’s name. Your biggest quandary at this point is whether to keep your underwear on. Change into the robe and sandals and you’re ready for business. You’re free to take a sauna, shower, or massage. Or head for the lounge, where clients and garotas hook up.

But be warned: Men have gone into cardiac arrest the first time they saw all that scrumptious Brazilian eye candy strutting around in thongs and lingerie. If you need time to take it all in, hang by the bar and down a few cervejas (beer) or Brazil’s official drink, Caipirinha. Don’t be shocked if out of nowhere your ass gets pinched or a hand reaches into your robe and fiddles with your joystick.

My first time at Four By Four, I kept staring at a sizzling blonde with huge breasts popping out of a bright red bikini. When she noticed, she came over, introduced herself as Juliana and stroked my cheek. Sure, she could have stroked my dick instead. But ironically, that might have had less impact because her “innocent” gesture got me thinking that perhaps she wasn’t a typical whore. I didn’t get the chance to ponder too much, though, because in a flash she had her arms wrapped around me and was pulling me toward her cherry-red lips. Thus began one of the most exhilarating face-sucking sessions of my life. The sex was great, too, but I was so delirious from about two hours of kissing beforehand, fucking was almost an afterthought.

The main magnets for sex tourists besides Help and the termas are several outdoor cafés on Avenida Atlântica, Copacabana’s beachfront boulevard. You can find cliques of garotas at Meia Pataca, a block away from Help, throughout the afternoon. They sit at the tables chain-smoking and sipping their cervejas, trying to catch the eye of prospective clients. Smile at them and they’ll invite you to join them. There’s little pressure during the day to “shit or get off the pot,” but if you’re on a tight budget, watch out. The girls will expect you to pick up the tab for the whole group, though if you’re clearly interested in one in particular, the others won’t take offense if you just pay her share. As evening approaches, the crowd thins as garotas go off with mongers or head home to get ready for the night. Then, around 7 or 8, Meia Pataca truly hits its stride. It’s the first stop in many of the girls’ nightly ritual. They’ll continue prospecting a few more hours before wandering over to Terraço Atlântico, a huge café outside Help. It’s a booty bonanza for mongers, where a stroll around the shrub-lined perimeter lets you scope out dozens of babes.

I’ll never forget sitting in the café when a bald guy in his 50s walked by. He was wearing an Hawaiian shirt half-tucked in, his gut spilling over his pants. All he was missing was a pocket protector with a comb for his few remaining greasy strands. He was arm-in-arm with two gorgeous girls who looked barely out of high school. Every now and then they’d stop for a three-way kiss. That’s when I knew I was in paradise.

But it’s a paradise laid out on a minefield, where a careless step can do a lot more than ruin your vacation. Rio has one of the world’s highest violent-crime rates, much of it occurring in the city’s notorious favelas, hillside slums where drug gangs rule with an iron fist. Take a wrong turn away from the main tourist zones and chunks of your anatomy could end up shrink-wrapped and scattered from the Tropic of Capricorn to the equator. Copacabana is no fortress, either. Snatch-and-grab crimes might be the most common, but armed thugs prey on tourists, too. Some are brazen enough to strike in full daylight. Travel in groups as much as possible and take cabs, especially at night, even short distances. The prostitutes themselves are a mixed bag. Most of the ones I’ve met are a far cry from the disease-ridden, crack-queen stereotype of American hookers. But I’ve also had a few run-ins with head cases that easily could have escalated into serious shit. Rio is an erotic dreamworld. The only way to go through it safely, however, is with your eyes open at all times.

Comments

One Response to “Sex Tourism: Everyone’s a Stud in Rio”

  1. SirMarjAlot on January 26th, 2008 8:51 am

    Excellent report on Rio. I love those brazilian butts and skin tones. But i must admit the crime rate is probably the biggest factor that keeps me away. I mostly monger alone. I do like to wander….

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